Mad. 24

7-22-10

If there is one thing I'm beginning to miss about home, it's lounging around in sweatpants or a pair of jeans. Currently I am wearing a pair of sweatpants within the privacy of my room, but since the Bara associate women wearing pants with prostitution, I'd never wear these out in public. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy wearing skirts but there are just days when you feel like relaxing... that is difficult to do in a skirt. Plus, on a day like today it's chilly to wear a skirt. 

I've been gaining a lot of great insight from reading the two books Stacy let me borrow. Most recently I read about discipline. In his book On Being a Missionary, Thomas Hale describes four different forms of discipline God uses in a missionary's life: 1) inconveniences and physical hardships; 2) disillusionment and disappointment; 3) sickness; 4) relationships with people. I wonder if God is trying to discipline me through my arthritis. He certainly has taught me valuable lessons on suffering through this chronic illness. As far as disillusionment and disappointment goes, I feel as though God has already used this trip to give me a more accurate and realistic picture of my future as a missionary. I must admit, my trip to Uganda made me excited about being a missionary, but didn't prepare me for the task at all. But that is why I am here- to break off unrealistic expectations and l unreached earn (even if only a little) from a family first hand what it may be like to minister to an people group in rural Africa. 

This same book has destroyed some of my expectations, as well. Hale speaks about the lack of privacy Western missionaries in third world nations receive. Everybody is constantly staring at you when you're out in public. Marc and Stacy said the Bara would constantly be peaking at them through their windows of their mud house when they lived in the village. But not only that, everybody at home supporting you know about everything that happens to you, as well. Your life is an open book. Hale also says missionaries have an average of 50 interruptions in one day. For task-oriented people (like me), this drives them crazy. And it's true- just today Marc had three different men come visit within  five minutes of each other. 

Just these two realities are enough to make me want to hide from the mission field. I love my space- I'm an introvert through and through. And it's extremely difficult for me to stop while I'm in the middle of something... but these are areas in which I need to die to myself.