Since my arrival here there has been a struggle inside me. Perhaps you could say a struggle between my flesh and God's voice. Or a struggle between my heart and mind. Before coming here my desire was to gain a realistic view of missionary life. I believe that has been attained. I'm realizing it's not all glamour and it's certainly not easy. You still have to do the mundane tasks of housekeeping, you are separated from family and friends, you have to give up many comforts you enjoyed growing up... One could easily focus on the negatives and be convinced to stay in the States. But that's where the struggle comes in: there is obviously a much greater purpose for giving up daily comforts and leaving loved ones behind. Jesus calls us to pick up our cross daily, which means denying self for the sake of His Kingdom. If sacrificing these small things will result in peoples' lives being transformed and redeemed for the glory of God, then of course it's worth it!
The book Through Her Eyes provides me with great advice for my time here: "When you come for a visit, have your eyes open. Look for what might not be great about coming long term. Then, be honest about it. You want to come with a vision and excitement, but if you just focus on the good, you may end up making lofty plans about what your life will be like. People who have a somewhat realistic picture of what it's like when they come seem to do much better than those who just come to change the world!" (p. 28)
That's good for me to hear because I've found myself pushing aside negative thoughts about being here. But if I truly want a realistic picture of life as a missionary, I need to acknowledge the negatives as well as the positives.
Today was a good, restful Sunday. I read quite a bit, lounged in my sweatpants, talked to Adrienne and Mom on the phone, and took time to reflect on the past few weeks. If this were like my Uganda cross cultural, my trip would be wrapping up soon. But as it is, I still have about six weeks left. I am about a third-way through my time here in Madagascar.
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