Mad. 60

8-26-10

Today was fairly eventful- it felt long! This morning I got a stomach ache, but I was kind of expecting it because I ate cream of wheat for breakfast. This was the third time I've gotten a stomach ache after eating this, so I'm beginning to think I do have a slight intolerance for wheat.

This afternoon Stacy and I kept busy making cookies, roasting peanuts, and doing dishes. Then, my malagasy friend Vero showed up and I went with her to deliver her mother's "gift from the road" to some friends. She also helped me purchase some hair extensions- her sister is going to braid my hair tomorrow before I leave.

Less than a week and I will be home- Lord willing! Funny, despite the fact we're going to see each other very soon, John and I talked for 50 minutes tonight!

Mad. 59

8-25-10

I went to market for the last time with Stacy, today. I have mixed feelings about it. I'm thankful it's the end of being stared at constantly, but I have a feeling I'm going to miss observing all the beautiful Malagasy. 

I'm also going to miss the Niles a lot. I'll miss waking up to Isaac and Maria's cute little faces peeking in my door each morning, watching them giggle at each other, listening to Isaac's bizarre stories of what he's going to do when he grows up, hearing Maria say "tota" every time she falls down... I'll also miss talking with Stacy one-on-one about life and hearing her advice about missions while cooking or cleaning. I'll miss game nights with Marc and Stacy and meals with the whole family. I'll miss hearing all Marc and Stacy's stories and taking walks with the family. You can really become attached to a family in two months!

I'm thankful I have things to look forward to when I go back home because otherwise, leaving here would be extremely difficult.

Mad. 58

8-24-10

It was strange waking up to Karilosy's family's empty home. Stacy took it really hard today- she said she felt as though her closest friend had just died (and her family along with her). :-(

On a brighter note, I finished two books today and spent more time with my friend Vero. I'm said that we're spending time with each other so late into my trip, but thankful for our new friendship. There's possibility we may write to each other in the future. But today I walked to and from market with her and then we spent time in her bedroom communicating the best we could. In that time I discovered she has a boyfriend who gave her a red card that says, "Aok' Aloha!" Marc and Stacy informed me that it translates, "Wait!" or something to that affect. Vero explained that when other guys flirt with her she holds of the card and it's a way of saying, "I'm taken!" 

It's so interesting learning about how Malagasy date. I think she may stop by again tomorrow and I'm going to show her the pictures I brought of my family and John.

Mad. 57

Later on 8-23-10...

Karilosy and his family have completely moved out and are gone... Above me I can hear Isaac crying and I think it's because he's just lost his best friend, Rodzo. Every time he prays he thanks God "for the fun time playing with Rodzo." It's so hard... for everyone. I myself am on the verge of tears and I haven't even known this family for two months!

Why Lord? Why does it have to come to this? They're such a nice family and the Niles have so many fond memories with them. I guess it just goes to show that everybody sins and when they do, they affect not only themselves, but everybody else around them, as well. 

It could have been so different... I'm especially disheartened that this has taken place so close to my departure. I didn't even say goodbye to them... I hope they realize we still love them and they can still confess before God...

Lord, please work in their lives and let Your will be done. Thank you for the good memories I have of them and with them.

Mad. 56

8-23-10

Today was an extremely difficult day for the Niles. When Marc and Stacy used Matthew 18 as their guideline for confronting Narina's sin, she refused to repent this morning. They first gave her the chance to confess between them and Karilosy, but when she denied her sin, they brought in Pastor Manwely to talk to her. Still, she denied it. This left Marc and Stacy no choice but to fire them; if they cannot trust her in this small thing, how can they trust her with Isaac and Maria and other bigger matters?

It's so hard to see their friendship end in such a way. Marc and Stacy didn't want it to end on such terms and they were really praying she'd repent and they could have come up with a better solution or a compromise...

It's situations like this in which you see the ugly results of sin. Life would be so much easier if people were perfect! Or as I've heard a few preachers say, "Life would be so much easier if it wasn't for people." This is exactly the kind of thing Satan loves, but thankfully God is ultimately in control and turns all things to good for those who love Him. Marc and Stacy must cling to this truth in this time of difficulty and heartache.

Mad. 55

8-22-10

I spent a good amount of the afternoon shelling peanuts to take back home with me. Since peanuts are so cheap here and it's not difficult to make your own peanut butter, I am going to attempt it when I get back to the States. 

Church was the same as every other week. Since I don't understand the language at all, when I return home I feel as though I've just fulfilled a weekly obligation. I do try to pray during the service, but it just doesn't even come close to feeding me spiritually like going to Church or chapel at home. No wonder it is so important to hear the Gospel in your heart language! You can feel so connected to the Lord when you read the Bible, listen to a sermon, or sing songs in your first language. That has got to be difficult for overseas missionaries...

Marc and Stacy talked about the stress that comes with health concerns here in Madagascar- especially when you have small children. Not only do you have the illnesses U.S. children are prone to, but on top of those you have risks of malaria, yellow fever, typhoid, and all the other illnesses associated with Africa.

I must admit, when I first got here I had thoughts that Stacy was too cautious and worrisome over making sure Isaac and Maria washed their hands every time they came inside, making sure they always wore their shoes when they were outside, etc. But I'm beginning to understand why she takes all these precautions. I guess Isaac and Maria have been sick a lot in the past and with Marc and Stacy's past illness experiences you can never be too careful. I can imagine dealing with constant sickness (whether you own, your kids' or your spouses') would be extremely draining.

Then they told me stories of the very first missionaries to Africa and how the majority of them all died within their first months or years on the mission field. Marc made the comment that it really gives meaning to the words, "counting the cost." It is a good question to consider: If I knew going overseas as a missionary would inevitably lead to my death, would I go? Would you?

Mad. 54

8-21-10

The days are becoming much warmer which leads me to believe Betroky's winter is slowly coming to an end. It's been between 27-30 degrees Celsius the past few days. It's kind of nice because I missed the majority of "summer" in Vermont. But I am thankful for the cooler weather since Betroky's summer heat is unbearable I'm told. 

Stacy, Isaac, and I went to the market for a few items this morning. Saturday mornings at the market are busy!! Perhaps it was just more crowded than usual or perhaps it was because Isaac was with us, but people were especially glued to us today, watching our every move. On several occasions Malagasy made comments about "vasa" (foreigners). For some reason it was beginning to really bother me... it never bothered me when people in Uganda referred to my group as "mzungus," but perhaps it's because I've been here for almost two months and Stacy has lived here for a couple years. You would think people would stop referring to you as "foreigners" after you've lived here for awhile. I don't know, it just strikes me as a little rude...

Mad. 53

8-20-10

It's funny how time passes so quickly when you invest time into others. It can be so much fun! Today I spent the later part of the afternoon playing with Isaac, Maria, and Rodzo (the guard's youngest daughter). We played hide-and-seek, I taught them a few CEF songs, and we pretended we were fish in an ocean. At first when Isaac begged me to play hide-and-seek I dreaded it, but I decided to go along with it for a while. It's amazing how long you can play one simple game without getting sick of it! I think I was tired of it long before they were, but it still kept me preoccupied for a long time. Kids are so much fun! 

God has been convicting me of my lack of prayer life... I wish I spent more time presenting my requests to Him and even more so just listening to Him. I underestimate the power of prayer so much. :-(

I read this in Thomas Hale's book today and it hits upon the subject of doubting and second-guessing in regards to missions: "We Christians are too calculating today. We calculate how much risk we're willing to take, how much sacrifice we're willing to make. We seem to forget that the highest and most glorious privilege in the world is to have the chance to suffer for Christ."

Mad. 52

8-19-10

So much joy comes from serving others. Just knowing that I can bless those around me by doing a few simple tasks is so fulfilling! I definitely think this is one of my spiritual gifts and I'm thankful for the opportunity to use it. I wonder how I'll be able to use this gift on the mission field?

It has been brought to my attention that upon coming here I had an unconscious expectation that I'd grow spiritually during my time here. However, I'm realizing that you must be intentional with seeking the Lord and applying His Word daily in order to grow spiritually; it doesn't just happen because you spend a couple months with missionaries. I've definitely learned a lot during my time here, but I'm not sure I've experienced spiritual growth. But clearly it's because I haven't been disciplined in spending extended amounts of time praying. I haven't delighted in God or His Word as I should. I feel as though I've spent much more time reading other books apart from His Word.

Thomas Hale has a great quote along these lines: "...All true mission work begins and ends with the Holy Spirit. We are merely instruments in his hands. Our call to service is from the Spirit; our choice of ministry is the Spirit's; and all our fruit is of the Spirit. If you forget everything else about being a missionary, at least remember this" (p. 338).

Mad. 51

8-18-10

Though I've learned so much from my time here, I feel as though I still have so much more to learn. Not only that, but there are so many more questions going through my mind about my future with John on the mission field. 

Such questions include (but most certainly doesn't cover all of them): Will we be financially supported by church families; will we go through a particular mission or independently; will we bring particular comforts with us such as a stove, fridge, or washing machine; will we have children in the U.S. or on the field; what will our ministry look like; will we homeschool; will I have househelp; how will we deal with problems of theft; who will we help with physical needs... the list goes on and on.

I know God already has a plan and we don't need to worry, but these (among many others) are very valid questions we need to answer in the future. It's good to be aware of these things so John and I can pray and talk through them. The Lord is faithful; He'll give us wisdom. 

Mad. 50

8-17-10

I've come to the realization there are issues missionaries face that nobody back home sees or can really understand. One such issue came to the surface this afternoon when Marc discovered money had recently disappeared from their home. They know who has taken it and they've suspected for quite some time but they want to catch it on tape in order to have proof. They want to back up their suspicions 100%.

The hardest part is the fact these people have become good friends with the Niles and feel almost like family. Stacy feels betrayed and deeply hurt. Since the Niles have already warned them after previous issues that they'd fire them if such an incident arose again, they don't know whether to go through with the threat or extend further grace. Is it okay to just let people steal from you? Is it okay to put a family with six children out on the street?

This is most certainly a very difficult issue with no easy answers. I've never considered that such a problem would arise when I am a missionary. I guess it's good for my eyes to be opened in this way. 

All I can think is there must be a reason they're stealing from the Niles. Are they not using their paychecks wisely and squandering all their money before they receive their next paycheck? Would the problem disappear if they got help with managing their finances day-to-day? Perhaps they have pressure from family members to give money (as that is very much a part of Malagasy culture), and once they've given to family they don't have enough to provide for their immediate family? Perhaps they feel they are owed this extra money- is it a part of their culture to take a "tip" for their work? I don't know.... The Niles gave them an extremely good pay- they're definitely don't stingy. So I'm really not sure why they've resorted to stealing.

Lord, please give Marc and Stacy wisdom on how to deal with this issue. Please turn this situation to good. And please give John and I wisdom when we face similar situations in the future. Let Your will be done. 

Mad. 49

8-16-10

I went through and counted all the Malagasy words and (few) phrases I've learned since my arrival and there are about 50 or so I know fairly well. I can't really form sentences at all, though.

Stacy informed me that Malagasy verbs are extremely complicated. When the context of how the verb is used changes, the entire verb (word) changes! Ahh! Talk about confusing!

Though learning a language is difficult, I was reflecting today how awesome it is that human beings are even able to pick up foreign languages. When God confused mankind's language, He could have made it impossible for us to ever learn any other language apart from the one we learn at birth, but He didn't. And obviously there is a reason He did it that way- so people from different cultures could eventually communicate with one another. Otherwise, the Gospel would never have spread and the Hebrews would be the only ones in heaven....

Mad. 48

8-15-10

I made a new friend this afternoon. We've met and talked a little on various occasions, but we haven't spent a lot of time together because she's been busy studying for her intense final exams beginning tomorrow and ending on Thursday. But her name is Vero and we are the same age, we are both the fifth children in our families, and we both have two younger sisters. One of her sisters accompanied us on our walk. They showed me their high school- in a part of town I'd never been to before. Then we walked toward market before heading home. Along the way we communicated as best as we could with the few Malagasy phrases and words I know and the little English Vero and her sister have learned at school. It was kind of fun, though definitely frustrating at times, trying to figure out what we were trying to communicate to one another....

It's so fun to make friends in other cultures. You're so different and yet you can always find similarities with one another. Perhaps when I leave I can keep in touch with Vero and maybe even Fara through letters.

Mad. 47

8-14-10

We have a visitor for the weekend. Brian was Marc and Stacy's team leader during TIMO a couple years ago. In the whole time Marc and Stacy have lived here in Betroky they've never had as many visitors as they've had in the past month. It's nice for me because I get to meet so many missionaries and hear their stories and experiences. 

Tonight the three of them discussed issues that arise with parenting as missionaries and the big decisions that must be made, particularly with schooling. It's interesting for me to listen as I have many years ahead of me before I even have children of my own. But it's good to know ahead of time the various decisions that will need to be made and the difficulties we will probably face.

As I was reflecting earlier today on my time here I realized that I'm going to be really sad when I leave. I've developed a good friendship with Stacy, Maria is finally comfortable around me, I enjoy playing with the kids, I'm just now becoming a little more bold with speaking the little Malagasy I know... It's hard to believe I only have two weeks left! 

Mad. 46

8-13-10

In the two different books I am currently reading about missions, a similar thought process has arisen recently on the topic of calling. In Thomas Hale's book he notes, "The call to mission is as valid today as it ever was: if you haven't been called to stay you should plan to go." In Marti Smith's book, "Through Her Eyes," one missionary wife remarks, "As far as I'm concerned, the call is in the Book! What else do I need? The command is to go; from our perspective you have to have a call to stay."

Until these two thought-provoking quotes I hadn't really thought of it in that light. Right now I think John and I are still in the stage of wondering whether God wants us to stay or go... but I'm pretty sure we're supposed to go. It's just a matter of where God wants us to go. We're willing to go wherever He sees best- After all, His plans are best and always prevail. Though I'm willing to go, I know it's not going to be easy. Once again, as I've mentioned before, I'm thankful for this opportunity to see the reality of what we're getting ourselves into. But even now I don't think I know half of the difficulties that await us.... But God will get us through and hopefully in the midst of the hardships He'll mold us into His likeness. It's in really hot fire that silver is refined and similarly, we are refined through our greatest trials. We are finished when God sees His reflection in us. Unfortunately, we cannot get to that point apart from the fires. I want so badly to grow, but I dread the trials that produce this growth. Why is it so difficult to obey the admonishment given by James? He says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials or many kinds..." (Jas. 1:2). It makes me want to pray: "Lord, make me 'mature and complete, not lacking in anything,' (v. 4) but don't let me suffer too much, please...." He does say He won't allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear... and He turns all things into good... No, that still doesn't mean it will be easy, but I can at least cling to these promises.

Lord, I think You ahead of time for the trials and difficulties I am going to face in the future. Please help me to glorify You in my response to these trials. Use them to purge me of my character flaws and form me into Your Son's image. Let Your will be done in my life. 

Mad. 45

8-12-10

Stacy told me the story of how she and Marc ended up in Betroky. I guess from the start something inside of her told her this was where she'd end up, but it was a struggle for her to accept it on account of the really bad road and other negative factors. But one time when she was thinking about it the song, "Let Go" by Barlow Girl began to play in the background. As she listened to the words it seemed to match perfectly with her own worries and concerns and she felt the chorus was confirmation from God that she needed to let go and trust that Betroky really was where God wanted her to be. Every once in awhile when doubt or fears begin to rise up inside of her again, she plays this song and sings the lyrics to reassure herself. 

It's neat that she shared that with me because lately doubts have been creeping into my mind about this whole foreign mission thing. It's frightening! It's going to be tough, but if God leads John and I over seas, I need to let go and trust Him- even with the unknown. 

"Let Go"

Yeah I trust in You 
I remember times You led me 
This time it's bigger now 
And I'm afraid You'll let me down 

But how can I be certain? 
Will You prove Yourself again? 

[Chorus:]
'Cause I'm about to let go 
And live what I believe 
I can't do a thing now 
But trust that You'll catch me 
When I let go 
When I let go 

What is this doubt in me 
Convincing me to fear the unknown 
When all along You've shown 
Your plans are better than my own 

And I know I won't make it 
If I do this all alone

Mad. 44

8-11-10

I think my favorite part of the day is after dinner when I've finished washing all the dishes, sweeping, and wiping down the table and counters. When I go back to my room, get cozy in my comfortable pajamas, and settle down on the couch to journal and read a good book. In this time I'm able to unwind, relax, and reflect on the day's activities. This is also the time when I'm able to talk to my family or John on the phone. I suppose since I'm an introvert this is also the time when I get re-energized, even though I go to bed shortly after. 

Today I had exactly three weeks until I return home to the States. The time has flown by... I'm trying to enjoy every moment of my final weeks. I'm also trying to finish the three books I'm currently borrowing from Marc and Stacy. I have a lot to learn, yet! 

This stuck out to me as I was reading Thomas Hale's book, today: "Indeed, everything we do is spiritual work if it is done as unto the Lord. A.W. Tozer said, 'It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it'" (p. 247). 

Mad. 43

8-10-10

Last night I woke up at 3:00am and took the opportunity to pray for Fara as she was brought to my mind. 

Marc is on his way home, today. He left at 8:00am so he should be home by dark. It sounds as though the conference went well and he got a lot accomplished with the whole car ordeal, so that's encouraging. I'm glad he's coming home for Stacy's sake, as she says she gets lonely at night. 

Stacy taught Narina how to play "pass the pigs" this afternoon. It's an old, fun game that Marc and Stacy inherited from Marc's parents. It's really simple, a bit silly, and very fun. Spending time with people in such ways is a neat form of ministry. Ministry doesn't have to be exhausting- it's as simple as singing together, playing silly board games together, and sharing food. These are all things Marc and Stacy do with Karilosy and his family. And just the mere fact of them living here is a testimony and ministry in itself.

Mad. 42

8-9-10

This morning when I was cleaning rice I felt really tired and sore, and for a split moment I had the thought, "I could never live in a village for a long period of time..." I'm not sure why such thoughts flood my mind from time to time. Obviously with my own strength I cannot do anything, but through Christ I can do all things. That doesn't mean it will be easy, but He'll always give me the strength to get through each day...

I'm falling in love with the people here, more and more each day. Today Stacy, Narina, Fara, and I baked banana muffins together. Even though I can't really communicate, I'd like to spend more time with Fara. She's 15 and has been having trouble sleeping the past three months. Stacy says she may be experiencing what she went through with postpartum depression- panic attacks. They're often caused by a lot of stress. Poor girl... I guess she's often home alone because her parents are so busy and she has a lot of extra responsibilities. I hope that if she is experiencing panic attacks that Stacy can help her since she's already been through it... I just need to be faithful in praying for her. 

Mad. 41

8-8-10

I enjoyed much wonderful fellowship this afternoon. Stacy got her hair braided by Narina and Rasoa and we all sat on mats outside in the sun. Later, Blendin and Fara- one of the pastors' wife and daughter- visited and we all snacked on popcorn. Finally, we ended the afternoon by singing Malagasy praise songs together and we prayed for one another. After several weeks, I know many of the tunes to the songs but still have difficulty in singing many of the words.

But more and more I'm picking out words in conversations and am able to understand what is being talked about in a given context. Like when Stacy was sharing prayer requests I heard 'Pakistani" and knew she was talking about the recent floods. And then I picked out Marc's name and "tobili" (car) and knew she was asking prayer for Marc a he figures out the whole situation with their car. It's exciting to be able to understand at least a little bit.. it really helps to listen and just pay attention to the different contexts in which words are used. Now forming sentences... that's another matter...

Mad. 40

8-7-10

This morning Narina, Stacy, and I gave away the toothbrushes I brought from home. We gave them to families in the neighborhood and explained how to use them and how often to brush. It seemed as though people were appreciative and they're certainly needed. Though there is a dentist here, he looks more like a butcher with all the blood on his apron. All he does is pull teeth and people are terrified to go to him because he doesn't even use pain killers! There's no way to get your teeth cleaned, so people's only dental hygiene comes from them taking the initiative to brush every day. Nobody has even heard of flossing...

I just tried a grasshopper that Rashoa fried in oil. I never did try one while in Uganda, so I figured I'd try one here- just to say I did it. It didn't taste awful, but just knowing what it was made it difficult to eat. It was very crunchy... Maria, who isn't even two yet, happily ate two of them without a second thought! These grasshoppers were red and looked different from the ones in Uganda or at home in the U.S.

Mad. 39

8-6-10

Stacy gave me the inside scoop on missionary visas, insurance, finances, and driver's licenses this morning. Apparently you don't have a choice of whether you receive a one year, two year, or five year visa. You get whatever they feel like giving you. Though it's cheaper to get a five year visa than 2 two year visas and a one year visa, you also have to pay more in cash upfront for the five year visa if that is what is issued to you. 

As far as insurance goes, AIM missionaries all have the same insurance and it's taken care of by the mission. However, most insurance companies don't want to insure people living in African countries so it's extremely expensive- $700.00 a month! I wonder if it'd be even more for John and I because of my arthritis?

The nice thing about going over seas with a mission is the fact that they help with filing taxes, obtaining a visa, and budgeting money (including saving up for home visits). Gosh, it seems as though going as an independent adds all these extra stresses... but if God called you to do it, He'd help you through it.

Mad. 38

8-5-10

I've felt a bit distracted, today. My mind has been flooded with thoughts about my wedding, John, living in an apartment next year... I'm really struggling to live in the moment- to be all here...

I'm reading in Thessalonians currently and these verses struck me this morning: "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." 1 Thes. 5:23-24

I think my favorite attribute of God is His faithfulness. All throughout my Old Testament Survey class last semester this very topic would show up, time and time again as we studied the Pentateuch. Maybe it's because I lack faithfulness to Him that I admire His faithfulness toward me so much... I should spend so much more time talking to God throughout my days, as well as meditating on Scripture. Lord, help me. 

Mad. 37

8-4-10

Stacy, Isaac, Maria, and I visited a family for the second time this week. One of the women we visited was severely beaten by her husband a little while back and Marc and Stacy paid for all her medical bills and medicine, without expecting anything in return. This family wishes they could repay the Niles for their kindness, but cannot due to their poverty. But despite this, Stacy noted how very generous they are in giving what they do have: peanuts, sweet potatoes, etc. 

We sat inside this family's home for a bit and I was able to observe what Stacy says is what the typical Bara home looks like. It was very cluttered, dirty, and filled with smoke (they cook their meals on open flames inside their home). Because of this, the cracked mud walls are caked in soot and are completely black. I admit: I cringed when I walked in and hesitantly took off my shoes (this is a polite custom in Malagasy culture). I prayed I wouldn't have to eat any food prepared by them and tried to touch as little as possible while inside their home. 

My mind wandered back to a conversation I had with Marc and Stacy about people coming specifically to Betroka to minister to this family and others like them and I had the awful thought, "Where would you begin? It seems hopeless to change anything..." God convicted me right then and there saying, "So what if it's filthy... I love these people and they're not beyond hope. Are you going to put your health and your own well-being before reaching the lost?" I wondered in that moment what had happened to my passion to serve the poor. I don't want to be like the rich young ruler... Lord, please don't let me be like the rich young ruler. 

Mad. 36

8-3-10

A part of me is ready to go home, but I suppose this is where the rubber hits the road: when I am a missionary I won't have the option of going home for a very long time...

My eyes are being opened more and more to the reality of spiritual poverty, but not just its occurrence here- it's all over the world! The Malagasy are no more spiritually poor than Americans are. People murder, steal, get drunk, beat their wives and children, and lead promiscuous lives both here and in the United States. The reality is, we all need Jesus Christ. Indeed, a relationship with Christ is the only real, lasting solution to people's problems. We may not be spared from pain and difficulty in this life, but Jesus offers us an alternative to being slaves to sin which transforms our lives completely. 

I came across a verse today that seems very applicable to my time here in Madagascar: "If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 4:11

Mad. 35

8-2-10

There are a couple things that never cease to amaze me about the market in Betroka. First, the amount and variety of stuff in the tiny little shops is incredible. As Stacy puts it, it's a feast for the eyes every time you walk by or into one. Today Stacy bought diapers, sugar, flour, butter, and wipes from one little shop. I suppose it's much like a grocery store in regards to the variety of stuff, but more like a gas station in regards to the size, except the fact that the walls and ceilings of these shops are covered with items. 

The other thing that puzzles me is the extremely low prices of market items. For example, Stacy bought two pineapples for less than $0.50! She also bought a large ziplock bagful of tomatoes for only $0.25! In the off season tomatoes cost three times as much (1 dollar), but that's still extremely cheap by American standards. But it just makes you wonder how they can make a profit when they sell their produce for so cheap...

Mad. 34

8-1-10

It was a pretty restful Sabbath, today. I spent much of the afternoon making a table of contents for Stacy's Peace Corps Cookbook and then copying down recipes I want to try in the future... Most the recipes were deserts and I found a common theme: chocolate and peanut butter. Mmm... Though, if John and I end up in a remote village we probably won't have access to either ingredient. 

Stacy shared with me the struggles she's faced within the past four years. It's amazing what individuals face, and you'd never know just by looking at them! I guess that's why it's so important to take the time and listen to peoples' stories so you can understand them that much more.

This afternoon a woman came to the Nile's home asking if Stacy could write a letter to the family who had given her son a shoe box through "Operation Christmas Child." At first she wanted to thank the family, but then it turned into a plea for money and possessions. However, Stacy didn't feel right about writing such a letter so she just left it as a thank you. The thing is, even if Americans sent cash it'd be worthless here because there's no bank. The closest bank is a two day drive from here. As Stacy and Marc have observed, giving money and a few possessions here and there often does more harm than good. They want to help who they can, but it's a very slippery slope because you don't want to encourage dependency. In addition to this, taking care of people's physical needs is great but it has very little lasting effects. What people really need is the transforming power of the Gospel. If you can help people physically and spiritually simultaneously I think you'll probably get the best results. But it's not easy because you never know whether individuals are truly giving their lives to Christ or if they're simply going through the motions because you've given them clean water or food. But regardless, Jesus preaches continually about providing for the poor in the Gospels. And look at His example- He met spiritual, emotional, and physical needs!

Mad. 33

7-31-10

Marc had a seminar this morning for Malagasy interested in reaching the Bara. He is trying to encouraging storying and stresses the importance of speaking in their heart language. Apparently many people speak Official Malagasy to the Bara and in result, the Bara don't understand half of what is spoken to them. Not only that, but Malagasy preach fire and brimstone to the Bara in a threatening manner and this approach has proved to be fruitless in spreading the gospel. But since Bara is currently an unwritten language, their tradition is oral and they're very good at telling stories. So Marc and Stacy used this approach while they were in the village. They told a NT story every Monday (since it was taboo for the Bara to work on Mondays). 

There were six individuals who attended Marc's seminar today, but nobody could come back in the afternoon to hear more. It's a bit discouraging for Marc because it doesn't seem like people are interested in hearing more. 

For lunch we ate Malagasy style- on a mat on the kitchen floor. We had one bowl of rice, a spoon for each of us, and a bowl of topping. We ate what was in front of us from the bowl of rice, taking a tiny spoonful of topping with eat bite. It was definitely an experience. Nothing I'd look forward to if I were to live among the Bara. It's no wonder Marc was sick so much during TIMO. 

Stacy and I shared our "love stories" with each other tonight. I really enjoyed sharing and listening to our experiences. She's kind of like a big sister to me. 

After doing dishes and putting the kids to bed, Stacy, Marc, and I sat around the kitchen table talking. They told me really sad stories of events that took place in the village- children being neglected and abused by their parents, babies dying, people starving to death because they had no food or money and were too proud to beg...

I kind of feel removed from the suffering that I'm sure takes place around me in Betroka... When I walk through the streets I notice people who look more desperate and dirty than others, but I'm not sure if they compare to the desperate poverty I observed in the slums of Kampala, Uganda. A lot of people here live with extended family so they can help support each other. But in the slums you had nobody else to depend upon. But what is most striking about the Niles' stories of village life is the obvious spiritual poverty of the Bara and other people groups. So much could and would change if they surrendered their lives to Christ...

Mad. 32

7-30-10

Another chilly morning. I don't think my arthritis appreciates it. The past few days I've been more sore than usual, particularly in the mornings. It could be the cold, or the fact I haven't felt as rested, or I could possibly be experiencing a flare. Only God knows. 

Last night I was reading from Thomas Hale's book again and he said a few things that struck me. I think they're worth writing down, reflecting on, and praying over:

"Of all the forms of slander, the most subtle takes place during our private prayers. We slander people before God... a man given to long hours of private prayer, (John) Hyde was in his room praying fervently for an Indian pastor who was experiencing some problems in his church. Hyde was praying that God would make this pastor less abrasive, less assertive, more gentle, more understanding. And as Hyde was praying for the Indian pastor, asking God for all the 'lesses' and 'mores' he could think of, the Holy Spirit suddenly broke into his prayers and convicted him of his critical attitude toward his Indian brother. The word from God that came to Hyde was this: 'That Indian pastor is the apple of my eye.'

"Hyde wept in repentance, and began at once to think of everything he knew that was good about that pastor. Then he began to praise and thank God for the pastor and for each of his good qualities. Within a week, revival had broken out in that pastor's church." (p. 184-5). 

Wow. How powerful a testimony! How convicting! I must admit I tend to be critical and I believe this is exactly what Satan wants. But how it grieves the Holy Spirit when we constantly tear our brothers and sisters down though our thoughts, words, and actions- even through our prayers! Lord forgive me and replace my critical thoughts with encouraging ones. My prayer is Ephesians 4:29-32.

I had a great day of bonding with Stacy, today. She gave me some language tips, we talked about life, and we shared stories of God's faithfulness with each other. Appartently one of Marc and Stacy's supporters inherited $10,000 when her mother died but she just put it away in the bank and prayed that God would show her how to use it. Well recently, she felt led to give it to Marc and Stacy after their car accident, so she asked how much they thought they'd need to replace or fix their car and Stacy responded, "We discussed it and we think we'll probably need about $10,000 in addition to what the insurance company gives us for our vehicle." The woman felt this was the assurance she needed and so she had the money wired into the Nile's AIM account! Incredible! 

She also told me an amazing story that happened to Alvid, the women with nine children and 17 people living in her home. Alvid was traveling by taxibousse to her home town where she grew up but it broke down on the side of the road, so she decided to walk to her destination. She knew the general direction, but was uncertain of how to get to the town, yet decided to cut through the woods. As she was praying, telling God she didn't think she could go any further with all the stuff she had to carry and asking Him to show her how to get there, she was suddenly surrounded by bandits. They blindfolded her, took all her stuff and led her further and further into the forest. The whole time Alvid was shaking and praying- she thought for sure this would be the end of her life. But finally after walking a really long time they stopped walking and  the bandits took off her blindfold. They pointed to the top of a large hill in the distance telling her that her stuff was waiting there and just over that hill was where she needed to go. Before they sent her off they told her not to look back. They didn't hurt her but only helped her, as they carried her heavy bags for her! What a testimony! Incredible!

Mad. 31

7-29-10

It is approximately 6:30am. I've been up for about 40 minutes because Karin and Dudley left early this morning. What's amazing to me is how quickly the sun rose- I went into the washroom to brush my teeth and it was still pretty dark, but when I came back to my room the sun had already come up! 

Anyways, it's been neat getting to know Karin and Dudley. Upon saying goodbye, Dudley told me, "Blessings on your final month here... I hope to see you serve with AIM in the future." I guess it's a good sign if Marc and Stacy's director encourages me to work with their mission. Karin left me a nice note, blessing my service with the Niles and my search for God's will. 

Stacy and I found out Narina, Karilosy's wife, is for sure pregnant, though she's unsure how far along she is. Unfortunately, Marc and Stacy are leaving in December for their home assignment and won't be around when this baby is born. 

Mad. 30

7-28-10

There is a possibility that within a couple years a TIMO team may come to Andriry or the Betroky area. That may be perfect timing for John and I since we'll have been married for a year or so... It'd be extremely tough to live and minister in a village setting, but being a disciple of Christ and following the commission is not supposed to be easy. It'd also be a challenge on account of my arthritis and my needs for medication, but God knows and He is in control; if He calls us to such a task, He'll provide my needs and give me strength. 

But perhaps God wants John and I to just stay in Vermont to be witnesses there. Sometimes the mere thought of that makes me cringe and other times it doesn't sound all that bad (probably because I wouldn't have to give up family and comforts). Ultimately, though, God's plan is best. No matter where we minister we're going to face hardships of one kind or another. 

Dudley gave Marc and Stacy a couple verses to reflect on tonight and the one that stood out to me was from Psalm 25. He quoted from memory: "Good and upright is the Lord; therefor He instructs sinners in His ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way." He explained how God is close to the humble and a "sinner" is one who humbly recognizes his true state before God. When we are humble we are able to receive guidance from Him. So appropriate for John and I, as we are seeking God's guidance for our future. 

"Lord, as frightening a prayer it is, make us humble before You. Please show us what Your will is."

I'm really thankful I sat in and was able to hear what Karin and Dudley had to say to Marc and Stacy. I especially like Psalm 25. "Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him." God has already chosen a path for John and I, so why should we worry about "missing out"? Just trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey.

Mad. 29

7-27-10

Karin, Marc and Stacy's team leader, and Dudley, Marc and Stacy's regional leader, are here for a visit to observe and keep Marc and Stacy accountable. It's neat that I get to meet their two "bosses" within AIM. Who knows, maybe John and I will end up with this mission organization. I'm also thankful I get to experience ahead of time what such a visit entails for AIM missionaries.

Listening to all of them talk this evening, my eyes were opened to more needs of the Bara. Apparently they are extremely promiscuous. Marc said when he and Stacy first went to the village, women and girls would go inside their mud hut and strip down naked in front of him! And when they went down to the river to bathe he'd first call out in Bara, "Is it safe to come down? Is anyone bathing?" And women would respond, "Yes, it's safe." But when they got there dozens of women would be bathing naked and would be giggling when they saw him. Other stories included the false perception the Bara had that when Marc and Stacy went to town each month to pick up supplies, they were really going to sleep with prostitutes. Not only this, but it is expected that if you stay over night in somebody's home you sleep with the husband or wife as your payment for staying there. Interesting, I read in "African Religions" that it is a custom in many African societies to offer your spouse for a guest to sleep with out of hospitality. 

Gosh, I have such a heart for purity- how neat would it be to minister in such an area as this, advocating a pure lifestyle in response to God's Word. But how difficult it'd be to change these people! Obviously God would have to do the changing. I guess that's the awesome power of the Gospel: it affects every part of our lives.

Oh Lord, let Your will be done among the Bara. Let Your Kingdom come here on earth as it is in Heaven. Send workers to minister among the Bara. Send forth Your Truth and let the Bara receive You. In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Mad. 28

7-26-10

Marc and Stacy told me about the problems of abuse around here. It's so sad! Women and children are the victims and they are trapped. Their husbands and fathers threaten them so much that they are paralyzed with fear. They're so afraid for their lives that they don't run away and they don't tell the police. But it's understandable that they don't tell the police because the authorities are extremely corrupt and prisoners often don't stay in jail for long. 

To give you an idea of just how corrupt the authorities are I'll tell you about an incident that took place in Betroky a few months before I arrived. Apparently there was a period of time (probably a couple of weeks) in which break-ins were happening every single night in Betroky. Nobody knew who was doing it or why it was happening, but finally one non-corrupt police officer got to the bottom of the problem. He found out that the guards within the jail not far from Betroky were letting prisoners escape each night to rob people and then the prisoners would go back to the jail and share whatever they got with the guards. Isn't that incredibly ridiculous?! That just gives you a picture of the corruption that takes place in Madagascar and all over Africa.

Anyways, apparently one of the pastor's wives here in Betroka wants to start a center or some kind of place of refuge for abused women and children. She would like to talk to Stacy about helping to get something started, but Stacy doesn't feel equipped to do something like that.

I think it'd be neat to do something of the sort- my heart is for women and children. In such a setting I'd be able to meet both physical and spiritual needs.

Mad. 27

7-25-10

I never took note of it when it happened, but earlier this past week I took out my braids. In the middle of the night my head was extremely itchy and finally I couldn't take it any longer so I got up and took the majority of them out. I think it probably took me the same amount of time to take them out as it took Rashoa to put them in.

My eyes are being opened more and more to the huge responsibility children are. I've been told multiple times by various couples that when kids come into the picture it changes EVERYTHING. Obviously it's going to require great sacrifices, but I believe there are great rewards to having children, as well. I suppose if you've enjoyed several years of being alone as a married couple having a child may slightly sour the sweet relationship you've developed over the years. Children add stress- especially on he mission field because there are so many diseases they could easily catch and their immune systems aren't strong enough to fight them off. But Stacy has told me it's been more difficult for her and Marc to connect now that they have children because they're so busy with the kids.

Mad. 26

7-24-10

Though John and I have discussed doing ministry together as a team, I'm beginning to question how feasible that is while raising small children. Stacy considers being a mom her ministry, and I can certainly understand why. It's a full-time job! Stacy says she and Marc taught together and were equally involved in reaching out to the Bara during their first two years, but ever since they began to have children it's totally changed...

I often wonder where John and I will end up. What will our ministry look like? Who will we be reaching and who will we work with? I try not to imagine it too much because I want to avoid making expectations. I'm thankful I was so consumed with Adrienne's wedding before coming here to Madagascar because I was too busy to make expectations for my time here. If you don't have expectations you cannot be disappointed. That's a good model to live by.

Mad. 25

7-23-10

Though this has nothing to do with Madagascar, I cannot help noting that in exactly one year from today John will be my husband!

Once again, God has brought the topic of suffering to my mind. I came across a quote in Thomas Hale's book that resonates well with me. He writes, "God ordains all circumstances. Through these circumstances God disciplines us. Through these same circumstances Satan ties to tempt us to sin." (p. 154). He goes on to explain how God uses suffering for our good, yet often we choose to respond negatively and we end up moving further away from Christ rather than closer. I really like his explanation... for the longest time when I was first diagnosed with arthritis I wondered whether Satan had caused it or God had ordained it. A couple time in the Gospels Jesus told his disciples that the victims of sickness had their illnesses simply so God's glory could be shown as a result. But at the same time, Jesus would often cast out the "spirit of infirmity" when healing various people. But if my sickness has been ordained by God to bring Him glory, it'd also make sense that Satan would attempt to use this illness to make me sin in some way. So I must choose to remain faithful to the Lord (like Job) and bring Him glory in the midst of my arthritis.

There's a song I listened to this morning while cleaning rice that goes along with this topic and missions in general:

Joy in my Morning

When darkness falls; Temptations call

And all around me seems undone

You hear my pleas; supply my needs

And tell me of Your wondrous Love

You are the joy in my morning

You're my song of praise

Just like the new day dawning

Flooding my world with grace

Though trials come; and every one

Can take me further from Your Truth

You calm my fears; Dry all my tears

And draw me closer; Lord to You

In You there's no shadow of turning

Constant in all Your ways

You're growing my faith and I'm learning to lean

On You all of my days

-Sovereign Grace Music (Words by Peter Gagnon)

Mad. 24

7-22-10

If there is one thing I'm beginning to miss about home, it's lounging around in sweatpants or a pair of jeans. Currently I am wearing a pair of sweatpants within the privacy of my room, but since the Bara associate women wearing pants with prostitution, I'd never wear these out in public. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy wearing skirts but there are just days when you feel like relaxing... that is difficult to do in a skirt. Plus, on a day like today it's chilly to wear a skirt. 

I've been gaining a lot of great insight from reading the two books Stacy let me borrow. Most recently I read about discipline. In his book On Being a Missionary, Thomas Hale describes four different forms of discipline God uses in a missionary's life: 1) inconveniences and physical hardships; 2) disillusionment and disappointment; 3) sickness; 4) relationships with people. I wonder if God is trying to discipline me through my arthritis. He certainly has taught me valuable lessons on suffering through this chronic illness. As far as disillusionment and disappointment goes, I feel as though God has already used this trip to give me a more accurate and realistic picture of my future as a missionary. I must admit, my trip to Uganda made me excited about being a missionary, but didn't prepare me for the task at all. But that is why I am here- to break off unrealistic expectations and l unreached earn (even if only a little) from a family first hand what it may be like to minister to an people group in rural Africa. 

This same book has destroyed some of my expectations, as well. Hale speaks about the lack of privacy Western missionaries in third world nations receive. Everybody is constantly staring at you when you're out in public. Marc and Stacy said the Bara would constantly be peaking at them through their windows of their mud house when they lived in the village. But not only that, everybody at home supporting you know about everything that happens to you, as well. Your life is an open book. Hale also says missionaries have an average of 50 interruptions in one day. For task-oriented people (like me), this drives them crazy. And it's true- just today Marc had three different men come visit within  five minutes of each other. 

Just these two realities are enough to make me want to hide from the mission field. I love my space- I'm an introvert through and through. And it's extremely difficult for me to stop while I'm in the middle of something... but these are areas in which I need to die to myself. 

Mad. 23

7-21-10

I think I've decided to stick to cooking quick, easy meals on the mission field. I enjoy cooking but when every minute of every day is consumed by preparing, eating, and cleaning up meals you have no life! Once in a while it'd be nice to spend more time cooking tedious yet tasty meals from scratch, but when you are raising kids and have other housework to do, why spend so much time on meals if you don't have to?

My wrists have been bothering me a little bit, the past couple of days. Of course, it doesn't help that I've been partaking in activities that have irritated them a little bit. I've been trying to praise God through the pain. I praise Him that He's healed so much of my arthritis, already. I used to have pain in my ankles, toes, knees, elbows, and shoulders, but now it's mostly in my wrists and knuckles. It's interesting that these are the joints in which my arthritis first appeared. I just pray that if it's His will He will heal me completely. How awesome would that be?

Mad. 22

7-20-10

Today Stacy and I were busy all day: doing laundry, preparing meals, washing dishes, baking, watching the kids... some days are just more hectic than others for some reason, but it was at least a good day. We made Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies with peanut butter and walnuts. Mmm! I'm definitely going to make these frequently at school. 

At the end of our time baking, two Malagasy girls came over to visit with Stacy. Their names are Fara and Dos. They were really sweet girls who seemed eager to learn English. So Stacy taught them some words in English and Fara eagerly wrote them down in her notebook. Her mother teaches English at he local Lutheran private school but Fara is still trying to learn. I'm sure she knows more English than I know Malagasy... perhaps if I came back long term we could teach each other our languages. 

In the past couple of days, two random boys have approached Stacy and attempted speaking to her in English. It's a bit comical, but at least they're trying. I'm sure I'd sound the same to them speaking their language.

Mad. 21

7-19-10

Market day today. Perhaps I can attempt to describe my experience: Malagasy people of all ages race up and down the streets. Some greet us as we pass, others just stare. When we take a side street the walk-ways become very narrow and we soon smell raw meat as we approach the butchers. The sight of the flies all over this meat is enough to make you a vegetarian- according to Stacy it's happened before to several missionaries. Men cut meat vigorously behind their cement counters and place it in piles in front of them: open for all to see, open for flies to attack.

After our brief stop buying meat, we continue through the narrow alley to the produce. At first sight there are women on either side, sitting on cement slabs with a tin roof overhead. Their produce is lined up neatly on plastic tarps and you immediately realize they're all selling the same exact items: tomatoes, onions, greens... 

Continuing to a tiny shop with every item you could possibly imagine lining the walls and counters, the aisles become even narrower. You find yourself squeezed tightly to one side as other shoppers pass- those heading to your left and those heading in the opposite direction. One in the largest clearing of vendors, you see rows and rows of vendors with heir produce resting on narrow tables, as they sit on the ground. You are surrounded by noise: people bartering, babies crying, women chattering... and as you pass you feel as though everyone is looking at you- simply because you are white.

I cannot say going to market is my favorite activity, but it is good exposure and gives me a chance to see and meet people.

This afternoon Stacy and I had a little discussion facilitated and focused around the book, Through Her Eyes. This book gives different perspectives of missionary women and brings up a lot of good ideas and issues. Discussing with her made me realize there is still a lot John and I need to discuss about our future. I really enjoyed the time talking with her, though.

Mad. 20

7-18-10

Since my arrival here there has been a struggle inside me. Perhaps you could say a struggle between my flesh and God's voice. Or a struggle between my heart and mind. Before coming here my desire was to gain a realistic view of missionary life. I believe that has been attained. I'm realizing it's not all glamour and it's certainly not easy. You still have to do the mundane tasks of housekeeping, you are separated from family and friends, you have to give up many comforts you enjoyed growing up... One could easily focus on the negatives and be convinced to stay in the States. But that's where the struggle comes in: there is obviously a much greater purpose for giving up daily comforts and leaving loved ones behind. Jesus calls us to pick up our cross daily, which means denying self for the sake of His Kingdom. If sacrificing these small things will result in peoples' lives being transformed and redeemed for the glory of God, then of course it's worth it! 

The book Through Her Eyes provides me with great advice for my time here: "When you come for a visit, have your eyes open. Look for what might not be great about coming long term. Then, be honest about it. You want to come with a vision and excitement, but if you just focus on the good, you may end up making lofty plans about what your life will be like. People who have a somewhat realistic picture of what it's like when they come seem to do much better than those who just come to change the world!" (p. 28)

That's good for me to hear because I've found myself pushing aside negative thoughts about being here. But if I truly want a realistic picture of life as a missionary, I need to acknowledge the negatives as well as the positives.

Today was a good, restful Sunday. I read quite a bit, lounged in my sweatpants, talked to Adrienne and Mom on the phone, and took time to reflect on the past few weeks. If this were like my Uganda cross cultural, my trip would be wrapping up soon. But as it is, I still have about six weeks left. I am about a third-way through my time here in Madagascar.

Mad. 19

7-17-10

I learned how to shell peanuts today. Since Madagascar has a large peanut crop you can get peanuts for an extremely cheap price. Marc and Stacy make their own peanut butter with them. I bet it's much more expensive to make your own peanut butter in the States than it is to buy it in a grocery store. The Niles also make their own yogurt and vanilla.I want to do that kind of thing when I have my own home, too. 

Marc and Stacy visited a friend who lost a family member recently. It is custom for Malagasy to visit friends and give them an envelope with money in it when their friends have lost a loved one to help with funeral expenses. I'm not sure how much money, but I feel as though it'd add up depending on how many friends you have. 

I have officially been here in Betroka for two weeks. Time has flown by! I think I'm beginning to get into a rhythm and am feeling more and more comfortable with the Niles.

Mad. 18

7-16-10

Karilosy taught Stacy and I how to lay bricks with mud this morning. He was making a raised bed for a garden. Stacy hopes to plant some veggies in it. Apparently this same procedure of laying bricks is used to make brick houses here. What along process! I cannot imagine doing it in the 100 degree heat!

This afternoon we visited Marc and Stacy's land lady in her little town. Like many other Malagasy, she lives right next door to all her relatives. I think we spent the majority of our time in the land lady's parents' home. While there our hosts spoiled us with cookies, soda, and other treats. Apparently they had gotten it all for me because I am a guest, so the land lady kept telling me, "eat, eat!" I had already eaten quite a bit, but I wanted to be polite so I ate more. Thankfully I still had an appetite for dinner later on. I'm beginning to see just how hospitable the Malagasy are.

Mad. 17

7-15-10

The woman whom we visited on Monday brought me a chicken this afternoon because I am a guest. This is the same woman who has 17 people living inside her home. In Malagasy culture gifts are a big thing. Guests are to bring gifts and receive gifts from the surrounding community. It's incredible how generous the Malagasy are.

So I watched Karilosy and Stacy kill, pluck, wash, and gut the chicken this afternoon. I helped pluck a few feathers, but the majority of the time I just watched and took pictures. Who knew so much work goes into having a chicken for dinner?! In the States you rarely think about the process because we buy our meat in nice packages in the grocery store...

At dinner I tried a part of the chicken's heart, liver, and gizzard- just enough to say I tried it. I wasn't particularly crazy about any of these things.

Stacy and I visited another Malagasy home this afternoon. Within their gate live all family members: cousins, siblings, parents... That must be neat to grow up so close to your extended family. In the States families seem to be so spread apart. There's hardly a sense of community. Here in Betroky you can't escape from community! I'm sure that's the case even more so in a village setting...

Mad. 16

7-14-10

I got to try a "prickly pear cactus" this afternoon. It reminded me a little like a kiwi because it was green, had seeds inside, and had a similar taste to that of a kiwi. Stacy said she's had purple prickly pear cacti before, but not green. She also informed me that they can make you constipated if you eat too many. Eating papaya with a prickly pear cactus counteracts the effects because it does the opposite to your digestive system. Good to know...

Stacy and I helped Nirina, Karilosy's wife, with washing clothes by hand today. The most difficult aspect of this task was wringing the clothes out after rinsing them. It never ceases to amaze me how much work African women do. Sure, mothers and wives in the States have a lot to do, as well, but they also have washing machines, ovens, boxed and canned meals, dish washers, etc. These women here make everything from scratch, wash clothes by hand, wash dishes by hand, and some even have to haul water back and forth daily. So much time is spent simply surviving that they hardly have time to think even of the state of their souls.

But one positive thing I've noticed here in Madagascar (or at least in Betroky), is that the men are a lot more involved in their children's lives and much more helpful to their wives than the men in Uganda were. Stacy says many of the men abuse their wives and are heavy alcoholics, so there are still huge issues Malagasy women have to deal with, but at least the men are more helpful and less lazy. Take Karilosy for example. He helps Nirina cook, wash clothes, and often plays with his children. Another example is Marc's translator (who is Bara). He and his wife came to visit this afternoon and it was the man who carried their one-year-old daughter and played with her and Maria for a bit. 

Marc returned from Andriry just in time for dinner tonight. Isaac and Maria were very excited to see their Daddy again after three days.

Mad. 15

7- 13-10

Karilosy has an older sister and a younger sister here visiting. His older sister has a daughter Maria's age, but she's not her biological daughter. She and her husband have had custody of this little girl for about a month because the child's mother threw her out into the street and wanted nothing to do with her. Can you imagine? A one-year-old baby being left all alone without food or shelter or a loving caretaker... She's extremely tiny and rarely smiles. She cries a lot and is scared of most people- myself included. She can't walk on her own and she doesn't talk at all, but amazingly she can feed herself with a spoon. She probably didn't have anybody spoon feeding her, so when she was hungry she must have just figured it out on her own. Poor child...

Karilosy's younger sister braided my hair this afternoon. From the pictures Stacy took, I can see that it looks very neat. If it wasn't for my light skin and freckles, I'd look just like an African woman. It took her about two hours... I hope it stays in for at least a week. She used coconut oil and it smells really good. 

Karilosy's older children: Ensara, Onza, Todi, and Toki left this morning to stay with their grandmother for the winter (probably until September). It's kind of a bummer because I won't get to see them again before I leave Madagascar. It's also going to be quiet around her with only their youngest, Rodzo, here. At least she'll still be around for Isaac and Maria to play with.

Mad. 14

7-12-10

This afternoon we (Stacy, Isaac, Maria, and I) went for a walk. On the way we met up with one of many of Marc and Stacy's Bebes (grandmothers). This particular woman who name is Alvid is a devout Christian who has been a huge encouragement to Stacy. Whenever Isaac or Maria is sick Alvid is led by the Lord to visit and she lays her hands on them and prays for them. She has nine children of her own (three of which are married). Currently there are 17 individuals living in her home. It is Malagasy custom for the newly married wife to leave her family and go live with her husband's family. So rather than losing children when they marry, you gain children (unless you only have daughters, of course). I cannot imagine living with quite that many people... but Alvid says even though it's difficult to provide food for everybody in her household (her husband is merely a pastor), Jesus always gets them through; He is faithful. 

Marc left this afternoon to go to Andriry, a village over the mountains, with some pastors. He'll probably be home by Wednesday. I guess their purpose for going is to oversee the school that is being built. One of the Lutheran churches has raised money for it to be built with the ulterior motive of it being used for a church some day. 

At dinner Stacy told me more about the Bara. I also learned that she speaks mainly Bara- even to Karilosy's family- and that they respond in a different dialect. No wonder it's so confusing to pick up on language...

Mad. 13

7-11-10

I attended one of the Lutheran churches today with the Niles. It was packed with people: men, women, and children alike. Marc and Stacy think there's close to 1000 people who attend the service every Sunday. But unfortunately, most the Malagasy attend church because it's what everybody does. The same individuals who attend regularly are going to the witch doctors, drinking, and sleeping around on every other day. They don't understand Christianity and quite frankly don't seem to have a desire to learn about Christ. To them it's just religion. I was really shocked to observe how little many of the Malagasy paid attention during the service. Even during the sermon people were talking and walking around... It was such a stark contrast to what I saw of a couple church services in Uganda. The Ugandans seemed genuinely excited to praise the Lord and hungry to learn from His Word. Here, it was so dry, dull, lacking in any passion and any kind of excitement or even eagerness to learn from the Bible. I was warned ahead of time by Marc and Stacy, but I still found myself disappointed by what I observed. I also didn't like the way they do the offertory. Apparently they have several offerings throughout the service and you have to walk down one of the side aisles to the front of the church, place your money in a basket and then walk back up the center aisle. I just felt like you were parading in front of everyone, showing off in a sense that you were giving money to God (which is His to begin with). I guess I would much rather give in secret rather than marching in front for the whole church to see. I guess it's good that everybody tithes, but wouldn't it be better to just pass a basket so it's more discreet?

In the afternoon Stacy sang hymns in Malagasy with Karilosy's family. It was a lot of fun to listen and observe- it was a great time of fellowship with them. The kids are leaving Tuesday to stay with relatives for the winter, so I'm going to miss having them around. Even though we can't communicate, it's still nice to spend time with them. 

Mad. 12

7-10-10

It's so strange to think about how early I go to bed and rise in the morning. I've been going to bed between 8 and 9pm and waking up between 6-6:30am. At home during the summer I stay up late and wake up late, but it's completely opposite here. It gets dark around 6:30pm and begins getting light a little before 6:00am. I really don't mind this pattern of sleeping and waking up (and I've been getting 9 hours of sleep), but it just doesn't seem possible to do when I am at school because everybody stays up so late on a college campus. 

Marc found a rat in my toilet this morning. I'm really thankful I wasn't the one to find it and that I didn't even see it... I would have freaked out if I had. But I guess if I'm going to live in Africa then I better get used to all kinds of rodents, snakes, and bugs. I guess Stacy has had problems with cockroaches in the kitchen. Apparently they eat her tupperware! Strange... I'm just thankful I haven't come across any snakes. I have a terrible phobia of them. 

Mad. 11

7-9-10

This morning when I went outside my bedroom I saw a rainbow in the sky. This is the third time this week that I have seen a rainbow in Betroky. I feel as though it's a sign of God's promise to draw the Malagasy- and specifically the Bara- to himself.

Being here, I'm beginning to grasp the concept of "cooking from scratch." Yesterday we made spaghetti and meatballs... we had to cute and mash all the tomatoes for the sauce, boil them, and put in all the spices. There were no cans of tomato sauce or even cans of crushed tomatoes. Thankfully we didn't have to make our own noodles. Marc and Stacy have to make their own yogurt, salad dressing, peanut butter, and vanilla. So I'm beginning to understand the time it takes simply to cook a couple meals a day.

Even taking a "shower" is a feat, here. Stacy usually boils water and fills up canisters with the hot water. Then, I take one of them into the bath house and put half a container of hot water with the other half cold and use a wash cloth to soak my body. When that container is empty I repeat the process until I feel I am satisfactorily clean... or I've run out of hot water. But I usually wash my hair first to be sure I have enough water to rinse. There is a shower head with running water, but it's freezing cold. Since it is winter here, it's cold enough as it is. The wind blows right through the cracks in the door and the door doesn't even cover the entire opening of the doorway. So I try to get through the process of bathing as quickly as possible. But at least I'm not wasting gallons of water like I normally do in the States. And since it's such a complicated and cold process, I shower only every other day and sometimes every other two days. Marc and Stacy said they bathed in the river while living in the village their first two years. That's usually what the Malagasy do here, as well. But you just never know what diseases you'll get...

Stacy gave me a couple books to read while I'm here and there's a really good quote from one of them that I read earlier: "Whatever one does on the mission field will almost always take more time and effort than a similar activity at home." (On Being a Missionary by Thomas Hale)

Mad. 10

7-8-10

Stacy brought me to the bridge in town today. There were quite a few people washing clothes down in the river. Apparently there are crocodiles, but they tend to stay clear of these spots where there are lots of people. However, people in Madagascar die every year on account of crocodiles...

After our quick stop at the market, I rode in my very first "pous-pous." It's a cart/carriage that is pulled by men. Pous-pous drivers are like taxi drivers- they get paid to pull individuals through the streets of Betroky, though they hardly make any money from it. It was definitely an experience... not the most comfortable ride I've ever had. Maria sat on my lap and seemed to enjoy it until half-way through our trip home. 

I really don't enjoy being stared at constantly while in town. I've never liked attention and being here makes me stick out like a sore thumb. If John and I ever live in a setting such as this, I want to try to blend in as much as possible... After all, just the mere fact that we're Americans automatically portrays us to the locals as rich because of the stereotype. And yes, compared to them we really are rich. But I want to be spiritually rich, not materially rich.

Mad. 9

7-7-10

I have so much respect for African women! The amount of work they do every day is incredible! Though Stacy has many conveniences most women here don't- like a washing machine, stove and oven, and refrigerator- cooking and cleaning still take up more time than they do in the States. And think how much longer it takes to cook on merely an open flame and wash your clothes by hand! Not to mention the number of children most Malagasy have. Karilosy and Narina, the Niles' guard and his wife, have five children and Stacy suspects Narina may be pregnant for another. So the number of dishes and clothes is multiplied with so many kids... But I can understand why Stacy wanted somebody to come help her for a few months. At least I enjoy doing all this stuff. Of course, by the end of these two months that may change...

It's been fun getting to know Stacy this past week. She's really sweet and has given me a lot of tips for the future. She's easy to talk to. I hope she doesn't think I'm too quiet. Hopefully we can develop a good friendship throughout these months. I like that she's always giving me something to do. I like to stay busy and I enjoy helping her. It's amazing how cooking, washing, and cleaning can keep you busy all day. I think in Proverbs it says something to the effect of, "If a man doesn't work, he won't eat." I find that to be especially true here. 

Mad. 8

7-6-10

I spent quite a bit of time with the guard's family today, despite the fact I was unable to communicate with them due to the language barrier. They invited me into their home and taught me how to clean rice. Unlike in the States, you have to pick out rocks and chaff before cooking your rice. It's quite time consuming, but thankfully the sack of rice Marc and Stacy have is fairly clean already. Such a task is fun to do while having fellowship with neighbors. In African nations the women have so many time-consuming tasks to do, but because many of their houses/huts are so close by to one another, they can do these tasks together. In the U.S. we're so closed off to everybody around us and we rarely even see our neighbors let alone spend time with each other. 

Later, we all walked to the garden together. This was my third time outside the gate since my arrival. Betroky is very beautiful, as it is surrounded by mountains. In the garden I witnessed the loss of many crops due to thieves. It is very common for Malagasy to steal without remorse. It's really too bad. Most the crops stolen had hardly begun to bloom. The sweet potatoes collected by us today were tiny; I can hardly imagine how small the stolen sweet potatoes must have been...

On our way home we saw hundreds of cattle being led from the south to Tana. With one man leading 10+ cows, they hike for weeks, bringing these cows to the capital to be sold as meat. All year long this takes place and there seems to be a never-ending supply of cattle! We saw many of them as we traveled by taxibousse to Betroka. It's just absolutely amazing to me that these men would put themselves through that repeatedly. They sleep on the hard ground without shelter through the night, eat whatever they come across on their journey, carry hardly anything with them... I could never do it. And all I can think is: what about their wives? Do they have wives and children?

Mad. 7

7-5-10

Though normally Stacy goes to the market on Tuesdays, she went today because she was running out of things to cook. I went with her and got to experience it all first-hand. I have only picked up a few words since my arrival, so all the Malagasy kept asking Stacy, "She doesn't speak Malagasy?" And she'd try to explain that I just got here. Regardless, they wondered why I would not be able to speak their language. I guess since they've never ventured beyond Madagascar (and many haven't even left Betroky), they don't understand that there are millions of languages spoken all around the world. 

Marc and Stacy had several visitors throughout the day. In their office hey have many books that they loan out to pastors, teachers, etc. to use as resources. They have books in Malagasy, French, and English. So a pastor and another pastors' son stopped by, an English teacher stopped, and several others came to visit, as well. Stacy said it usually happens that way: either they have a ton of visitors in one day or none at all. 

Mad. 6

7-4-10

Maria is not doing well at all. She keeps getting fevers on and off and they have no idea what is causing them. But Stacy brought her to the doctor and picked up a prescription for her. Hopefully it'll help. She seemed to be doing well this afternoon and through dinner, so hopefully she sleeps better than last night. Last night she kept Marc and Stacy up through the night, so they were beyond exhausted. I'm realizing just how big a commitment and sacrifice it is to have children. Perhaps after these two months I'll want to wait before jumping into making a family. But I'm also seeing the great rewards and benefits to having a family.

I've been able to hear a lot from both Marc and Stacy about their hearts for the Bara. This town- Betroky- is the center of the Bara territory, and is the reason why they chose to live here. Very few Bara are Christians or have even heard the gospel. The Niles' focus has recently shifted to training the Malagasy to reach the Bara since they are better received than foreigners and they don't have the language barrier. 

Mad. 5

7-3-10

There was a huge swarm of grasshoppers- literally thousands or even millions- that flew by the house this afternoon. From a distance they looked like a big black cloud, moving quickly. Everybody, adults and children alike, were out with their sacks, mosquito nets, and anything else attempting to capture them for their dinner. I guess grasshoppers are a delicacy in Madagascar. I don't dare try one... but that definitely made for an exciting afternoon.

I just got back from singing with the guard's family, Marc, and Stacy. Marc and Stacy do this every Saturday night after putting the kids to bed. They have been going through a Malagasy hymn book. I just listened while attempting to follow along by reading the words. I found the pronunciation was very different from the spelling. All I can think is, "how in the world am I supposed to learn another language?" If God calls us to a foreign country, He's going to have to help me learn the language...

Though the guard's family aren't Christians, they always end their time of singing by praying together. Marc and Stacy are faithful in lifting them before the Lord and witnessing to them. 

Mad. 4

7-2-10

Much waiting and riding took place today. Though we arrived at the first taxibousse station at 7:45am, our taxi did not even leave until 9:45am. The same thing tok place at the second station in Ihosy. I think it's because the drivers want to wait until their vehicles are filled before leaving to get as much money as possible, but it's frustrating because the drivers always tell you what you want to hear. They always say, "We're leaving right now," when asked, "When are we leaving?" I guess God was just giving us opportunities to practice our patience. 

The road to Betroka was not paved, so it made for an unnecessarily long trip. Though it's merely 116km, it took us over five hours! Pot holes, rocks, bodies or water, you name it- we had to drive through it all. Marc said very few foreigners see this part of Madagascar, and I can definitely understand why. 

The Niles' home is very nice and unique. I have my own bedroom which is normally their living room and is connected to their office. My bed is a mattress on the floor with a mosquito net hanging over it. Then there is a small bamboo set with a couch, two chairs, and a small table. There's a window, but since Marc put a screen on the inside you can only open it from the outside. All the rooms have electricity and there is running water, but sometimes it gets shut off at night and it's only cold water. We have to heat up water for bathing and for washing dishes. They also filter the water before drinking it. They definitely take extra precaution against germs since they have kids who get sick quite often. 

The rest of the house isn't really connected to my bedroom. Maria and Isaac's rooms are directly above me and Marc and Stacy's room is above the office. All their rooms are connected to one another, but outside their doors is a screened-in hallway which is exposed to the outdoors, as well. So it's unlike any house in the U.S. and that is simply because it gets far too cold for such a home. 

Mad. 3

7-1-10

While Marc ran various errands I took a little nap after breakfast. A little while later I awoke to my cell phone ringing. It was John! Though it was 2:00am in Vermont, he had stayed up to call me from his skype account! It was nice to hear his voice and tell him about my previous travels. It's just not the same through email.

For lunch Marc and I ate at Dave and Hazel Horton's. They are another missionary couple working with Africa Inland Mission (AIM) like Marc and Stacy, and they are from England. I spent the afternoon with Hazel, going up to the viewpoint, talking, and shopping a little bit. I have really enjoyed meeting all these missionaries. It's so neat to see the diversity of their backgrounds, ministries, and even way of living. 

This afternoon we packed twelve people into Dreice and Marlee's land rover. Of these twelve people there were two Americans, five South Africans, and five Malagasy. Among us, five different languages were represented (if not more): English, French, Common Malagasy, Afrikaans, and Bara. 

Madagascar in itself appears to be very diverse. There are Asians, Indonesians, Africans, French people... It's fare more diverse than Uganda. 

Mad. 2

6-30-10

This morning I awoke to my cell phone ringing. It's not actually my cell phone, it's Stacy's, but she has graciously given it to me for the duration of my stay. It was Marc who was calling me, telling me he had gotten a taxi. The time was 6:40am- a whole hour after I had set my alarm to wake up. So I quickly pulled on some clothes, gathered my belongings, and headed out the door. I felt so bad...

But today was another day of traveling. We took a bus to Fianarantsoa (Fiana for short), which took 9 hours by taxibousse. For most of the ride I enjoyed observing the scenery, people, and buildings we passed. Marc gave me my own little tour of sorts along the way. Apparently there was a flight to this town yesterday that kept getting delayed and he was hoping it'd be delayed until this morning so we could take it and cut down two-thirds of our traveling time. But in all honesty, I'm thankful we took a bus, as it gave me the chance to see a little of the country. Marc said usually it looks a lot greener here in Madagascar, but since it's their winter it is very dry and brown. Despite this, the mountains and other landscape was beautiful. 

Currently I am staying at another missionary family's home. This couple is from South Africa and work with Child Evangelism Fellowship. Dreice, the husband, gave me this advice: "Make sure you [and your fiance] are both called to be missionaries, because if you are not, it'll be complete chaos. But if you are, it's the greatest privilege in the world to be able to serve side-by-side with your life partner." Grandpa Brueckner has given John and I similar advice: "Follow God's will."

Lord, let Your will be done, wherever and whatever that may be. 

Madagascar 1

6-29-10

Today at approximately 7:10am ET I departed from my third and final flight within the past 24 hours. Final destination: Antananarivo, Madagascar, or "Tana" for short. I struggled through the process of obtaining my visitor's visa, as I cannot understand French (or Malagasy). But finally I received my visa and had my passport stamped. Then about three or four minutes later I spotted my luggage- both bags had successfully made it through! Praise the Lord!

So after 19.5 hours of flying, 4 different airports in 3 different countries, and about 6 hours or less of lay-overs, the only set-back included losing my big bottle of sunscreen going through customs in Burlington, VT and going without my medication from JFK to Madagascar (I checked both my suitcases and failed to put any medication in my carry-on). All things considered, I'm very blessed that everything turned out as it did. Thank You, Lord! 

Later...

Currently I am at Africa Inland Mission's headquarters- in the guest house. It's similar to the guest house my Uganda group stayed in last summer in Kampala. There was running water, a water heater for the shower, and electricity. I wonder what the Niles' home will look like? I've tried not to imagine too much because I don't want to have expectations.